A Year On, My Thoughts

Hello everyone,

Last month Jon and I celebrated a full year of me being in the US. Here we are in November, 13 months after my arrival, and I thought I would share some thoughts with you all.

Having been here for just over a year now, I have a lot more of a deeper perspective on what it means to live here, and indeed survive here. I'm going to just go through a bunch of things that come into my mind, in no particular order, but things I feel are relevant to me.

Healthcare has been the number one point of contention for me so far. When I first arrived here Jon had pre-bought a temporary policy for me, since I would need continuous cover, and the open enrollment for the Maryland Health Exchange not open yet and I would only be able to get full coverage from January. Dealing with the exchange presented its own challenges. Not only were they difficult to get through to, but the policies aren't the best in the world either. I made several posts about that earlier in the year. A lot of people asked why I couldn't go in Jon's insurance, especially with marriage being law on a federal level now. Well, that still wasn't possible, because the SCOTUS decision only dealt with the federal government. Jon's company is based in Georgia, and the insurance they use is Georgia based, too. Georgia was not a full equality state. Of course, back in the summer this year, the SCOTUS heard the case, and subsequently made it legal, for equal marriage to go ahead in all 50 states. With that, it meant full benefits were now offered across the board, not just federally. Jon was finally able to add me to his insurance, but it took several months. Not only that, I had hassle cancelling my existing policy, and at one point my old and new ones were over lapping, when they shouldn't have been. On top of all that, I do have several medical issues, and with the way things work here, even with the best policy you can still pay through the nose for the care you receive - and you have to deal with insurance companies who never seem to get anything right. With all that said, healthcare here, when you can afford it, is exceptionally good. I genuinely feel like the doctors and specialists here have tried to help me, and I really appreciate that. Regular GP appointments here can easily take an hour, which is astounding, especially from my perspective when at home you would be in and out in under ten minutes. Overall, neither system is perfect - I wish the US had more of a balance between both.

This might sound like an odd thing, but my accent also causes me problems here. I refuse to change how I speak for anyone. It's not like I am speaking with a thick Russian accent or some weird dialect nobody has ever heard of. It is part of who I am. I think that I generally speak clearly and concisely (ok, if not a little quietly sometimes though), but nobody can understand what the heck I am talking about! It's gotten to the point of ridiculous, where now I refuse to speak on the phone because no one can ever get my name right, even when I spell it out!

Doors. Just don't even get me started on the doors! I don't know why this one thing still plagues me after 13 months here, but I'll never understand why a store can't just have doors that go both ways. The amount of times on weekly basis I find myself walking into an exit that won't open is astounding. Mind boggling.

Although I obviously have Jon, and we do have some friends, I have found the move across the ocean quite hard on my ability to meet people and integrate. I will fully admit that I have never been the most outgoing person. In fact when I was younger I was deathly shy, but I feel I have overcome that a lot, and as I have gotten older I have become a lot more open about my life and who I am. I am still a very private person, but I have definitely made progress. Leaving virtually everything and everyone I have ever known behind on another continent has been a huge blow to my confidence in the social area. While I don't want to sound like I have no life, or try to gain any sympathy, I do feel somewhat isolated here at times. Maryland isn't the most exciting place in the world, and the few friends we do have in this country aren't in Maryland - some aren't even on the same coast. So that is difficult for me. I have tried to think of ways to get myself out more, but I lack a lot of motivation and I don't really know where to begin, if I'm honest. I'll find something, I am going to work on that, but I have definitely found the friendship aspect hard so far.

I wanted to make this post more about me than my observations of the political situation here, but ultimately that affects me too, and I am a highly political person. Religion in this country is out of control. Or, at least, the right wing Christians are out of control. On an almost daily basis I see and hear things that makes me wonder what is wrong with the world we live in. Why are people getting themselves in fierce rages over coffee cups? Soup commercials? Magazine covers? People in this country need to take a step back, look at their own lives and realise that they don't have it bad at all. Nobody is forcing them to believe something else. No one is coming for their Bible or their guns. They need to chill out and just stop. It drives me crazy, and it worries me on a personal level because you just never know if your neighbor or someone around you will turn out to be some right wing religious crazy person who will start condemning you to hell.

Speaking of guns, that is the one other thing that bothers me a huge amount. Again, on an almost daily basis I hear stories of yet another shooting. A lot of them are accidental too, and for the simple reason that people are morons. Leaving your two year old alone with a loaded weapon on the dashboard of your car is a disgusting thing to do, no matter which way you look at it. It's nothing short of child abuse on so many levels, but for some reason, the right wing crazies seem to think that more guns and less gun control is the answer. How many more innocent people have to die under that policy?

Some other minor things. Mail here is ridiculously slow. Cable and phone bills are extortionate. People who say "could care less" drive me crazy because that is not what they are trying to say at all! The lack of public transport - and the surprising resistance towards it - is detrimental to the environment and to people's lives.

On a more positive side, I will fully admit that generally speaking (though, like anywhere, there can be exceptions), customer service here is excellent. I always feel welcomed into stores and restaurants, and that the people working there want to help. It's nice to be able to have a good rapport with the people in the supermarket that you visit often, or be able to banter with the guy at the comic book store. And like I said above, healthcare, when you can afford it, is exceptionally good (though insurance companies need to get their acts together!).

Finally, despite the fact we went through a grueling immigration process, which took over a year to complete, we are still not done with that. We were married less than three years upon my date of entry into the US (as I imagine many couples are when they go through this too, actually), and therefore I was made a conditional resident. In June next year we have to file a petition that can take up to 8 months, to remove the conditions of my residence. Yes, another 8 months of our lives stressing and worrying, and not being able to travel overseas again (at least I'm already in the US this time, as opposed to the situation when immigrating). At this point I am not sure exactly what will take them 8 months. There is nothing they could possibly need to know about me that they don't already know. It's just another infuriating event in our immigration story timeline that we have to deal with. Of course, by the time that is all said and done and I have full permanent residence, just a couple of months later I'll be allowed to file for citizenship! Perhaps in about 3 years' time we will finally be done with all of this, but for now we have to persevere.

We are now hurtling towards my second Christmas here, and I feel lucky and privileged to be able to share these thoughts with you all. Despite the stresses and worries of insurance and medical care, religious crazies and gun nuts, and further immigration proceedings, Jon and I are still here, still together, and always ready to stand up for who we are, no matter what.

One of my favourite quotes, and one which I had a friend read at our wedding, feels relevant today, for me at least. I'll leave you with it.

“If you hear the dogs, keep going. If you see the torches in the woods, keep going. If there's shouting after you, keep going. Don't ever stop. Keep going. If you want a taste of freedom, keep going.”

 ~ Harriet Tubman

Dan.

September Updates

Hello everyone!

I wanted to share with you today some of my political observations that I have made recently on my Facebook page. I keep forgetting that I created this blog for this very reason! Today I thought about the blog and so I thought I'd share some of my recent commentary here. For simplicity's sake I am going to omit any links or photos that I may mention in these posts, so that they don't cause me any editing issues. I'll just copy the text here.

1. On Capital Punishment, Healthcare and that Boy with the Clock...

"There are so many things I want to rage about today, I just don't even know where to begin.I could begin with how Richard Glossip, a man in Oklahoma, is being executed this afternoon for a crime he didn't commit. Apparently there is NO physical evidence linking him to the scene, only the word of the other suspect! What the hell?! Anyone could say, "It wasn't me! He did it!" And of course, the way to show the world that murder is wrong, is of course apparently allowing the state to murder a citizen in return. Go figure.
Then I saw something else about Kentucky, but not about the bigoted clerk this time. This time to do with insurance and how a man who wants to be the next governor wants to backtrack on the (proven) ACA success there, and make Kentuckians pay extortionate fees to robbing insurance companies again. And of course everyone is like, "Well if they are responsible adults they should get their own insurance". Yes, because everyone has the money for extortionate health care costs in this country, and if you can't afford it, TOO BAD. Yes, let's all be a bunch of heartless morons and not care if someone needs medical attention. If they don't have the money, clearly it's their own fault and they deserve to suffer.
And then do not even get me STARTED on the 14 year old boy from Texas who got arrested at school because his teacher claimed the kid had brought a bomb into school, when in fact it was an ALARM CLOCK he had made, and was proud of. This is a young man who loves engineering and wants to be an inventor. But guess what? He has a dark skin tone and an "Islamic" sounding name, Ahmed Mohamed, so of course it was a bomb. If it had been a white kid named Josh, nobody would have batted an eye."Then I saw something else about Kentucky, but not about the bigoted clerk this time. This time to do with insurance and how a man who wants to be the next governor wants to backtrack on the (proven) ACA success there, and make Kentuckians pay extortionate fees to robbing insurance companies again. And of course everyone is like, "Well if they are responsible adults they should get their own insurance". Yes, because everyone has the money for extortionate health care costs in this country, and if you can't afford it, TOO BAD. Yes, let's all be a bunch of heartless morons and not care if someone needs medical attention. If they don't have the money, clearly it's their own fault and they deserve to suffer.And then do not even get me STARTED on the 14 year old boy from Texas who got arrested at school because his teacher claimed the kid had brought a bomb into school, when in fact it was an ALARM CLOCK he had made, and was proud of. This is a young man who loves engineering and wants to be an inventor. But guess what? He has a dark skin tone and an "Islamic" sounding name, Ahmed Mohamed, so of course it was a bomb. If it had been a white kid named Josh, nobody would have batted an eye."Then I saw something else about Kentucky, but not about the bigoted clerk this time. This time to do with insurance and how a man who wants to be the next governor wants to backtrack on the (proven) ACA success there, and make Kentuckians pay extortionate fees to robbing insurance companies again. And of course everyone is like, "Well if they are responsible adults they should get their own insurance". Yes, because everyone has the money for extortionate health care costs in this country, and if you can't afford it, TOO BAD. Yes, let's all be a bunch of heartless morons and not care if someone needs medical attention. If they don't have the money, clearly it's their own fault and they deserve to suffer.And then do not even get me STARTED on the 14 year old boy from Texas who got arrested at school because his teacher claimed the kid had brought a bomb into school, when in fact it was an ALARM CLOCK he had made, and was proud of. This is a young man who loves engineering and wants to be an inventor. But guess what? He has a dark skin tone and an "Islamic" sounding name, Ahmed Mohamed, so of course it was a bomb. If it had been a white kid named Josh, nobody would have batted an eye."Then I saw something else about Kentucky, but not about the bigoted clerk this time. This time to do with insurance and how a man who wants to be the next governor wants to backtrack on the (proven) ACA success there, and make Kentuckians pay extortionate fees to robbing insurance companies again. And of course everyone is like, "Well if they are responsible adults they should get their own insurance". Yes, because everyone has the money for extortionate health care costs in this country, and if you can't afford it, TOO BAD. Yes, let's all be a bunch of heartless morons and not care if someone needs medical attention. If they don't have the money, clearly it's their own fault and they deserve to suffer.And then do not even get me STARTED on the 14 year old boy from Texas who got arrested at school because his teacher claimed the kid had brought a bomb into school, when in fact it was an ALARM CLOCK he had made, and was proud of. This is a young man who loves engineering and wants to be an inventor. But guess what? He has a dark skin tone and an "Islamic" sounding name, Ahmed Mohamed, so of course it was a bomb. If it had been a white kid named Josh, nobody would have batted an eye."

2. On that Bigoted Woman from Kentucky

"So the Kim Davis saga goes on and on, and while I'm tired of hearing about it when there are many other huge issues happening in the world, I had to share this quote from George Takei."The First Amendment has two clauses that are relevant here. One is the Establishment Clause, and the other is the Prohibition Clause. Congress may not prohibit free worship, and that is what so many claim, wrongly, is being violated. But it is also not empowered to establish any religion, nor to enact any laws favoring one religion over the other. Permitting a state employee to foist her religion upon others, denying them a fundamental right as articulated by the U.S. Supreme Court in Obergefell, would be to give government, through this agent, the power to impose religious doctrine and viewpoint. That it cannot do. Ms. Davis is in effect establishing religion by using her governmental powers to impose her religious views."And for those who don't understand still, let's throw in a quote from one of the authors of the Declaration of Independence, Founding Father and 3rd President, Thomas Jefferson:"[T]heir legislature should "make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof," thus building a wall of separation between Church and State."

3. On the Refugee Crisis in Europe, and Around the World

"We have been all so caught up with the petty minds of the right wing who think their religious freedoms are being trampled upon for having to follow federal law, that we forget that outside of this bubble filled with money, fast cars, apartments, organic groceries and fashionable clothes, there is a dark and horrific world that others are trying to escape, only to be turned away, and treated like criminals. The images below are just what I found on Google of Syria recently, but if you were living like this, wouldn't you also be trying to escape, not just for a better life, but FOR your life? That human beings in this world are being forced to live in these tragic conditions is heartbreaking, and as a race, as a community, we need to do something to help them all. I don't care if you're worried that your taxes might go up by a measly couple of dollars for government aid, we have a responsibility to treat these people with compassion and respect. So while civil rights at home are important, let's not forget that while we're sitting here worried about one bigot's religious piety, there are people in this world who are desperate for real help."

4. On the Importance of Planned Parenthood

"I'm posting on FB, so it must be rant time! I have seen a lot of people posting about the apparent horrors of Planned Parenthood and abortion. Let's be clear on a few things here.First of all, all of these videos in question are heavily edited, and sometimes the owners of the voices of the people in them are not seen.Second, people are apparently outraged at the selling of baby body parts. I keep seeing posts about "genocide" and murder". These fetuses have not been born yet. Most states in this country have an abortion term limit that is less (in some cases much less) than 25 weeks. At 25 weeks, for example, an unborn baby does not yet have lungs and taste buds are still developing. Nobody is murdering anyone. This unborn baby cannot yet sustain its own life. These body parts that are being sold, are sent to research companies. People aren't walking into a store and picking up two baby legs for lunch. Get a grip.
Third, to be saying that these women are whores and need to keep their legs closed, or use birth control, is outrageous and simply not acceptable. Rape happens. Mistakes happen. Yet I constantly - and I MEAN constantly - see idiots saying women should keep their legs closed. Perhaps men need to stop forcing themselves on women. And perhaps we should have some compassion for unplanned events in someone's life.
Fourth, everyone who is outraged at the government funding of Planned Parenthood needs to get a reality check and look at the facts. I will provide links to factual sources in the comments below, but PP was granted approximately $528.4 million by the Federal government in 2014. According to the IRS, there were 144,928,472 Federal Tax returns filed in 2012. Simple calculations tell me that is a single tax payer cost of $3.65 for a year, to help other human beings in need. If you are freaking out because your $4 is going to help someone in desperate need of help, then you have serious issues and I cannot be friends with you.
Finally, it goes without saying that I should not even have to mention all of this. Ultimately, a woman should have the right to choose what happens with her own body. End of story. So everyone please shut the hell up, and if you don't like it, get off my page. Thanks.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Dan.

Comparing the UK's NHS to the US' private care

A friend shared this (click to read) and being in the position I am in now, I thought it worth giving my comments. You should definitely read the article first before reading my comments.

Overall I would agree with this writer's assessment, but there are a few things that are not entirely accurate.

First of all, I'm not sure what doctors surgery he was using in the UK, but you CAN chose your own appointment. Of course, they can tell you what times they have available, and it may be "limited" compared to what you realistically want, but they wouldn't tell you "this time only".  I have already had to deal with the insurance companies here in the US numerous times, and have had to visit the doctor, and I can tell you it IS a headache. Even once you get past the bureaucracy of insurance companies, when you get to the doctor you need to have remembered your insurance card, ID, and yup, money.

Wait times when IN the doctor's surgery though, I disagree with him. At home and here in the US I can honestly say it has varied either way. It all depends on the day, the time and the doctor themselves. I think it would be inaccurate to suggest you get seen instantly in the UK over the US.  I find it interesting what he says about emergency room wait times. I haven't had too many emergencies in my time, and thankfully none in the US so far, but I agree, if I had to wait more than 4 hours, I'd be tearing my hair out.

One thing that can affect wait times in the US over wait times in the UK that he failed to mention is that in the US, everyone uses the same hospitals and the same doctors. Whether you're paying insurance or receiving medicare/Medicaid or some other assistance, you sit in the same waiting room as those with insurance. Not too many people have private insurance at home, but when they do, it's a whole other world. If I paid privately and ended up in an NHS hospital, I'd be demanding a refund from my insurance company.

Finally, on the point of cost. No the NHS isn't "free". It does come from government taxes, but it is free at the point of use, and if you have no job, no money and need care, you still receive the same care as everyone else. Even if you do work, if you make very little, you're not paying any more than anyone else, it's all relative. Taxes are by % of earnings, as with anywhere else in the world. I have never once paid for a single doctor or hospital visit in the UK, and trust me I've had many of them. I've been in the US 4 months, and I've already had to pay $30 to see a doctor - and I HAVE insurance!

No system is perfect, and no system will be so any time soon, but I do desperately hope the US can get its act together with the socialised healthcare system, because currently, it's a mess.

Dan.

The Visa Medical

Hello everyone,

16 October 2014: It should be noted this entry was supposed to have been posted several weeks ago, but alas life gets in the way!

My apologies for not writing in a while again. Life has been hectic as always!
This entry is about my visa medical on 26th August. I didn't write earlier about this experience because to be honest, I didn't want to "relive" the day so soon again! However, I also am aware there is very little information on the internet about the medical, as I looked myself before mine, so I wanted to document it here.

The only doctors you can see for USA visa medicals are the ones specified by the US immigration authorities, which at time of writing (in the UK) are the Knightsbridge Doctors in London. My appointment was at 10.50am.

I left home very early, parking my car at a station near where I live and taking the train to London. It was raining, of course, which made things even more unpleasant than they already would be.
Arriving in London at London Bridge I discovered the Jubilee line wasn't stopping at Bond Street due to engineering works, which is exactly where I needed to get off. So, I found an alternate route and got off at Green Park. I had to walk in the rain the now longer distance to the doctors, just north of Oxford Street.

When you arrive, press the outdoor buzzer, then once inside the hallway, the door to the surgery is immediately on the right. No need to knock, just enter. Once inside there are two windows at reception. Somebody will check you in and ask for your documents.

I should note at this point that you will need to have already filled in the medical questionnaire before arrival (which you can find online). You will also need your police certificate if it hasn't already been submitted to the government, or a good photocopy of it, plus a US style passport photo (2 inches by 2 inches) and your passport. You will also need to provide your vaccination record, and make sure that your own surgery has given you a copy with your name and date of birth on it. As I discovered, a print out isn't enough. I gave them what I had, but had to go back to my doctor once I was home later that day, get a copy with my name and date of birth on, and email it to them. It wasn't a problem to do that, but it was an extra hassle on an already stressful day.

So, I gave my documents in, and was told to sit in the waiting area and fill out yet another questionnaire about my general health.

You will be called by a nurse to review your vaccination records and determine if you need any boosters. Of course, again, nobody informed me, nor was it apparent at any point during this process that I'd need an MMR. I had already gotten my DTP booster at my own doctors surgery but now I had to get an MMR too! I was not amused, especially since their booster fee was another £45 on the £245 medical exam fee. This day was not going well! So I had the MMR there and then. As a side note, you will also need to get the one month booster from you own doctor, around a month after this first one. I had mine just a couple of days ago. You may be required to provide evidence you had it, in the future.

After seeing the vaccination nurse, you have a chest X-ray to determine whether you have TB (because you wouldn't already know, right?!). I had to have mine taken twice (yay radiation?!) because the radiologist saw "a dark patch" and had to be sure it wasn't TB (like I said, like I wouldn't have already known anyway). If for some reason you are found to have TB you'll have to be treated for it and cleared again by these doctors at some later date before you can pass the medical and move to the US.

Once you've seen the radiologist you'll be called to see the panel doctor. The doctor will go through your questionnaire with you and ask questions about your general health and anything that you may have mentioned on your questionnaire that they feel needs further information, such as if you have suffered from depression or ever been hospitalised for any reason (operations, accidents, etc). The doctor will also check your height and weight, and ask you to read an eye chart (no idea why these would affect anything, and if they did, it'd be a gross violation of your rights and very discriminatory). Then, you will lay on a bed and have your blood pressure taken, and a blood test for STDs (some might call this having "blood drawn"). Men are also examined for testicular cancer.

If there is anything the doctor feels they need any more information on, they will tell you, and you might be given a form to take to your own doctor to request more information about whatever the case may be. If they don't require any more information, after everything described above, you'll sit and wait again to be called back to the reception window.

Once called, pay the fees due, and you'll be on your way! If you don't hear anything from them within about 3 working days, then you can safely assume your blood test and X-ray results were fine. A few days later you will get in the post a copy of your vaccination record, but on a special US Department of State form. It is imperative you keep this form safe, apparently.

So that was my experience. Overall the actual being there wasn't that bad, but I have to say, it is not an experience I want to ever repeat. Knowing these doctors have the power to basically decide your whole life is intense, and being injected, X-ray'd, prodded and poked by strangers is not nice. On top of that, getting there is a pain, especially if like when I went train stations are closed and it is pouring with rain.

Dan.

Interview FINALLY scheduled!!

Hello everyone ,

I apologise for the long gap in between posts again, but until this past week we still hadn't made any further progress on our situation.

However, I say "until this past week" because there has finally been movement! Jon and I were away the weekend so I was unable to post about this, but I'm happy to report that after months of waiting and knowing nothing, we got an email on Thursday night from the NVC confirming an interview date with the US embassy in London!
To say it was an immense relief would be an understatement. We have waited a year now for this to happen, and it's felt like the day would never come!

Of course, before I can have the interview I have to attend a medical in London, which I booked yesterday for next week. This I'm not looking forward to. Prodded, poked, examined, tested and more - and for that I have to pay £235! Thankfully once it's done, it's done for good and I'll never have stuffer it again, but that doesn't necessarily make it any better.

The email we received from the NVC detailed what we needed to do next, including which documents I would be required to bring to the interview. There was also instructions to go to immigrantvisas.state.gov and complete the online registration. This is required so that you can confirm your appointment, and further select your document delivery details for once you have been approved by the consulate.

So, I'm registered on the website. I have my login and I confirmed my appointment. I actually still have to select which option I want for delivery of my passport and visa following the interview. I am going to chose home delivery, which apparently costs another £18. The reason for selecting home delivery though is easy. All the collection places on their list are a long way away and it'd cost me at least the £18 to get there, plus my own time and hassle, so I figure I might as well pay it and get them to deliver to me.

Well, here we are. In less than 6 weeks I'll have had my interview and should be waiting for my passport to b returned to I can travel to the US!

I'll update here again once I know more about the interview as we are talking to our lawyer in the next few weeks about what to expect. It's nerve racking to say the least, but it's finally here!

Dan.