A Year On, My Thoughts

Hello everyone,

Last month Jon and I celebrated a full year of me being in the US. Here we are in November, 13 months after my arrival, and I thought I would share some thoughts with you all.

Having been here for just over a year now, I have a lot more of a deeper perspective on what it means to live here, and indeed survive here. I'm going to just go through a bunch of things that come into my mind, in no particular order, but things I feel are relevant to me.

Healthcare has been the number one point of contention for me so far. When I first arrived here Jon had pre-bought a temporary policy for me, since I would need continuous cover, and the open enrollment for the Maryland Health Exchange not open yet and I would only be able to get full coverage from January. Dealing with the exchange presented its own challenges. Not only were they difficult to get through to, but the policies aren't the best in the world either. I made several posts about that earlier in the year. A lot of people asked why I couldn't go in Jon's insurance, especially with marriage being law on a federal level now. Well, that still wasn't possible, because the SCOTUS decision only dealt with the federal government. Jon's company is based in Georgia, and the insurance they use is Georgia based, too. Georgia was not a full equality state. Of course, back in the summer this year, the SCOTUS heard the case, and subsequently made it legal, for equal marriage to go ahead in all 50 states. With that, it meant full benefits were now offered across the board, not just federally. Jon was finally able to add me to his insurance, but it took several months. Not only that, I had hassle cancelling my existing policy, and at one point my old and new ones were over lapping, when they shouldn't have been. On top of all that, I do have several medical issues, and with the way things work here, even with the best policy you can still pay through the nose for the care you receive - and you have to deal with insurance companies who never seem to get anything right. With all that said, healthcare here, when you can afford it, is exceptionally good. I genuinely feel like the doctors and specialists here have tried to help me, and I really appreciate that. Regular GP appointments here can easily take an hour, which is astounding, especially from my perspective when at home you would be in and out in under ten minutes. Overall, neither system is perfect - I wish the US had more of a balance between both.

This might sound like an odd thing, but my accent also causes me problems here. I refuse to change how I speak for anyone. It's not like I am speaking with a thick Russian accent or some weird dialect nobody has ever heard of. It is part of who I am. I think that I generally speak clearly and concisely (ok, if not a little quietly sometimes though), but nobody can understand what the heck I am talking about! It's gotten to the point of ridiculous, where now I refuse to speak on the phone because no one can ever get my name right, even when I spell it out!

Doors. Just don't even get me started on the doors! I don't know why this one thing still plagues me after 13 months here, but I'll never understand why a store can't just have doors that go both ways. The amount of times on weekly basis I find myself walking into an exit that won't open is astounding. Mind boggling.

Although I obviously have Jon, and we do have some friends, I have found the move across the ocean quite hard on my ability to meet people and integrate. I will fully admit that I have never been the most outgoing person. In fact when I was younger I was deathly shy, but I feel I have overcome that a lot, and as I have gotten older I have become a lot more open about my life and who I am. I am still a very private person, but I have definitely made progress. Leaving virtually everything and everyone I have ever known behind on another continent has been a huge blow to my confidence in the social area. While I don't want to sound like I have no life, or try to gain any sympathy, I do feel somewhat isolated here at times. Maryland isn't the most exciting place in the world, and the few friends we do have in this country aren't in Maryland - some aren't even on the same coast. So that is difficult for me. I have tried to think of ways to get myself out more, but I lack a lot of motivation and I don't really know where to begin, if I'm honest. I'll find something, I am going to work on that, but I have definitely found the friendship aspect hard so far.

I wanted to make this post more about me than my observations of the political situation here, but ultimately that affects me too, and I am a highly political person. Religion in this country is out of control. Or, at least, the right wing Christians are out of control. On an almost daily basis I see and hear things that makes me wonder what is wrong with the world we live in. Why are people getting themselves in fierce rages over coffee cups? Soup commercials? Magazine covers? People in this country need to take a step back, look at their own lives and realise that they don't have it bad at all. Nobody is forcing them to believe something else. No one is coming for their Bible or their guns. They need to chill out and just stop. It drives me crazy, and it worries me on a personal level because you just never know if your neighbor or someone around you will turn out to be some right wing religious crazy person who will start condemning you to hell.

Speaking of guns, that is the one other thing that bothers me a huge amount. Again, on an almost daily basis I hear stories of yet another shooting. A lot of them are accidental too, and for the simple reason that people are morons. Leaving your two year old alone with a loaded weapon on the dashboard of your car is a disgusting thing to do, no matter which way you look at it. It's nothing short of child abuse on so many levels, but for some reason, the right wing crazies seem to think that more guns and less gun control is the answer. How many more innocent people have to die under that policy?

Some other minor things. Mail here is ridiculously slow. Cable and phone bills are extortionate. People who say "could care less" drive me crazy because that is not what they are trying to say at all! The lack of public transport - and the surprising resistance towards it - is detrimental to the environment and to people's lives.

On a more positive side, I will fully admit that generally speaking (though, like anywhere, there can be exceptions), customer service here is excellent. I always feel welcomed into stores and restaurants, and that the people working there want to help. It's nice to be able to have a good rapport with the people in the supermarket that you visit often, or be able to banter with the guy at the comic book store. And like I said above, healthcare, when you can afford it, is exceptionally good (though insurance companies need to get their acts together!).

Finally, despite the fact we went through a grueling immigration process, which took over a year to complete, we are still not done with that. We were married less than three years upon my date of entry into the US (as I imagine many couples are when they go through this too, actually), and therefore I was made a conditional resident. In June next year we have to file a petition that can take up to 8 months, to remove the conditions of my residence. Yes, another 8 months of our lives stressing and worrying, and not being able to travel overseas again (at least I'm already in the US this time, as opposed to the situation when immigrating). At this point I am not sure exactly what will take them 8 months. There is nothing they could possibly need to know about me that they don't already know. It's just another infuriating event in our immigration story timeline that we have to deal with. Of course, by the time that is all said and done and I have full permanent residence, just a couple of months later I'll be allowed to file for citizenship! Perhaps in about 3 years' time we will finally be done with all of this, but for now we have to persevere.

We are now hurtling towards my second Christmas here, and I feel lucky and privileged to be able to share these thoughts with you all. Despite the stresses and worries of insurance and medical care, religious crazies and gun nuts, and further immigration proceedings, Jon and I are still here, still together, and always ready to stand up for who we are, no matter what.

One of my favourite quotes, and one which I had a friend read at our wedding, feels relevant today, for me at least. I'll leave you with it.

“If you hear the dogs, keep going. If you see the torches in the woods, keep going. If there's shouting after you, keep going. Don't ever stop. Keep going. If you want a taste of freedom, keep going.”

 ~ Harriet Tubman

Dan.

One Year Anniversary!

One year ago today, Jon and I got married!

Here's a collage of pictures of us from our adventures during our first year! You can click to see it larger.

Dan.

Same Sex Marriage comes into effect in England and Wales - we're married all over again!

Hello everyone,

You may recall that last year, the United Kingdom government passed the Marriage (Same Sex Couples) Act 2013. This bill passed through both Houses of Parliament in a Conservative government with the support of all three main political parties, including the (Conservative) Prime Minister, David Cameron.

Finally today the provisions of the bill came into full effect.

It now means of course that same sex couples have the freedom to marry in England and Wales - although not at Church of England churches or the Church in Wales churches; however other religious organisations can opt in to being a recognised same sex marriage provider. I believe that part, if not the whole reason, for the English and Welsh churches being prohibited in the bill to perform the marriages ceremonies is because they are national churches, and the issue faced a lot of opposition from back bench Conservative MPs in the Commons, and spiritual leaders and peers in the House of Lords. You have to understand that despite our greatly advanced political thinking in the UK, that the peers sitting in the House of Lords include spiritual leaders and hereditary peers who have inherited their titles! My point is that given the United Kingdom has a state church, of which the head of state (the Queen) is the leader, and our upper house is formed of peers and spiritual leaders, it's quite remarkable that Civil Partnerships were even passed ten years ago, let alone same sex marriage last year!

There are two other things that come out of this bill which also come into effect today. Anyone who had previously been Civil Partnered in the United Kingdom is now entitled to "upgrade" their CP to marriage status if they so chose. Anyone who was legally married overseas in a same sex marriage was previously recognised as having a CP, but now automatically are recognised as being married.
Yesterday Jon and I were recognised as married in Maryland, US, and CP'd in the UK - today we are married in both!

Same sex marriage is a devolved issue in the UK (devolved means that some issues are handled on a local government level, and not all national UK laws automatically apply). Scotland passed its own same sex marriage bill last month, which should come into effect before the end of the year. Northern Ireland will be the only part of the UK without same sex marriage. Civil Partnerships are a UK national law, and therefore Northern Ireland continues to recognise and perform them.

It's truly a milestone and testament to the progressive thinking of our government that we have come this far, and I sincerely applaud their efforts.

Dan.

Love, Anger and Isolation

As you all know Jon and I have been going through the motions to finally be able settle together and start our lives. Jon is sponsoring me for an immigrant visa to be able to live in the United States alongside him. We want to have our own home and spend the rest of our lives together peacefully, as any married couple should be entitled to do.
Last week you may recall that I posted a blog entry when we received a notification from the immigration services explaining that our petition had been forwarded to yet another department for processing because of their huge backlog. At this point we have already waited six months since time of filing to even be acknowledged that we're still in the system, and that we haven't just been forgotten about in some filing cabinet somewhere. Six months of our lives wasted while the US government idly makes its way through rubber-stamping people's lives and whether they should be allowed to be together.
This form that we received last week informed us that we now have to wait a further sixty days while this next department gets its act together. Another two months of waiting added to the six we have already endured.

Almost daily Jon and I have friends ask us, "So when is Dan coming over?" Like it'll be in the next week or something. If only it were that simple. But honestly, why shouldn't it be?!
Why does it take eight months to look at our forms to say, "Yes you are approved to move onto the next stage?" Eight months of our married lives (so far) spent in separate countries, waiting day-in, day-out for that letter to arrive. Eight months of sore disappointment.

After these eight months are finally over, all we will get then is a letter to say we are approved for the next stage, where our case is then moved to the consulate, and we have to wait a further three months for them to get back to us. At this rate, we are looking at me moving over to the US in October or November. That'll be well over a year since we filed.

That isn't the end of it either. Even once our case is moved to the consulate (after the next sixty days, then the further three months have gone by), I then have to endure further insult with not just one, but two interviews. A medical interview and an immigration interview. I have to provide blood samples, and and police certificate to say I have no criminal convictions. And for this I have to pay hundreds of pounds. To be humiliated, prodded and poked.

Jon and I talk daily on Skype, and Jon has been able to make some visits over to the UK during this process, but to spend a couple of weeks here and there, in our first year of marriage is a tremendous weight to bare, and is very isolating. We both feel the need to talk on Skype daily, and actually feel like we are "together"; we miss great opportunities like this. We both sit at our desks in our respective homes for hours, wasting our lives in front of the computer, when we should be out together doing something, going places, or even just sitting at home having dinner together.

Two people should never have to go through what we're going through. As if it hasn't been hard enough fighting for equality and being a same sex married couple, and we still have to suffer even more pains to be together. There is no handbook for this situation. No amount of comforting or advice can ever prepare you for the mental, emotional challenges that being an international couple presents.

Love is one of the most powerful forces in the universe. It bounds us together and makes us stronger. Jon and I love each other and are determined not to let the daily grind get to us, but sometimes, when you've had a hard day at work, it's miserable outside, and all you want is a hug from your husband, it's the hardest thing in the world knowing that a piece of paper on a desk thousands of miles away has waited eight months to be looked at, and it's that which is the only thing standing in your way.

Dan.

Congratulations to Scotland on Passing Marriage Equality!

Hello everyone,

Although it was inevitable, this evening the Scottish parliament passed equal marriage in Scotland, 105 to 18!

Although the United Kingdom has Civil Partnerships which afford practically the same rights as marriage (and has done for many years now), full marriage equality is a devolved issue, meaning that it is up to the UK constituent countries to pass its own laws on. England and Wales passed their own equal marriage legislation earlier this year, which is due to come into effect in March. This means the only region of the UK that will not have full marriage equality will be Northern Ireland, although they continue to have Civil Partnerships though, as that is UK law.

All in all, very good news!

Dan.

The Wedding!

Hello everyone,

Apologies for the fact this is nearly a week late, but we have been very busy! Anyway, I wanted to let you all know that the wedding ceremony went perfectly, and we had a truly wonderful day.
The after party was lovely, filled with good food, and our family and friends.

I have a few pictures to share of the setup, but not of Jon and I - yet! I might have some of those in a week or two.

Following the party, we drove north and spent the weekend in New York with some dear friends of ours, and got back the early hours of Monday morning.

So, here's the pics! (Some things need explanation, which I have wrote after the pictures. Click images to see full size).

If you're wondering why the Christmas lights and Christmas Tree, they have some sentimental value to us. As I have said many times, we wanted things to be special and unique to us, and that is exactly what we did.
The tree actually had a lot of sentimental ornaments on it, that were special to Jon and his family.
The one of the wider shot of the room is a view looking from where Jon and I stood with our officiant, Sandy. The chairs were of course were where our guests were seated.
The picture of the table with Peter Pan and Stitch on it was I guess, for want of a better word, the "altar", and was basically right behind where the room shot was taken (where Jon and I stood).

If you have any questions or comments, feel free to post them below!

Just so you know, tomorrow we are off to Disneyland in California, and won't be back until late Tuesday night.

Have a good weekend everyone!

Dan.

Cakes and Flowers!

Hello everyone,

Last week I told you the exciting news about our rings, and today I'd like to share with you our cakes and flowers for the ceremony!

We have decided to chose two cakes that reflect both of our own unique personalities, and who we are as a couple.
As I have said many times before, we have never claimed to run by tradition. We are who we are, and we want what we want.
So, I have chosen a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cake, and Jon has chosen a Harry Potter one!

Here some pictures:

We are ordering them from Target (US department store/grocery chain).

When we were at Wegman's (another US grocery chain) last week we saw some really awesome roses. This is what we ordered:

Let us know what you think!

Only 4 days to go now until the big day!!

Dan.

The Day We Bought Four Rings!

Hello everyone,

Yesterday we went to Arundel Mills mall in Maryland to look for wedding rings.
Everyone we've spoke to seemed quite surprised that we left it so late - not least the ladies in Reeds where we ended up buying our rings!

We wandered around for a while, and were not really inspired by anything. We thought that maybe next weekend we could spend a day dedicated to looking for rings.
We walked into Reeds to just have a quick look, and was greeted by a very friendly assistant.

My two main concerns about buying rings had been that, one, if we bought them in Virginia - or at least tried to - we might have been met with some hostility. Virginia is technically "the south", it's a "red state", and they don't offer very many equal protections for LGBT people, especially not marriage equality.
Second, for those very reasons, we didn't want to be giving the state our tax money for expensive rings, when we weren't even getting married there.

Anyway, back to jewellers, and we browsed for a bit, and the very nice lady seemed really excited for us, if not really surprised we had left it so late to look for rings!
We wanted something a bit unconventional. I have never claimed to be conventional, and certainly wasn't going to start now!
They did have a good selection, including some rings that were labelled as wedding rings, but were definitely not your typical gold band.
We both liked two different styles, and couldn't decide.
The problem with the better one of the two styles we liked was that they needed to be custom ordered as they are made from tungsten (a dark metal).
We obviously wanted something for the ceremony though. So, we did something which some people might find strange, but like I said, I've never claimed to follow convention!
We bought the much cheaper titanium rings in our sizes there and then, and then also ordered the much more expensive tungsten rings, to be collected at a later date!

So, for now, we have a simple titanium ring each that fits, and in about 8 weeks we'll have our "real" rings, the tungsten ones!
So we'll actually have two wedding rings each in the end! At leas tI'll have a choice as to which one I want to wear on any given day!

I found some pictures of the rings on the internet for you to see.

The titanium ones we currently have are:

The tungsten ones we ordered are this neat Celtic dragon design:

Let me know what you think!

Dan.

Updates - Life in General

Hello everyone,

I know I haven't had much to say lately, but I guess while we wait for the process to get moving along, then there isn't much to report!
We have filled out the papers from the lawyers, and we sent in our fees already.
So, when I leave the US in September we can basically call the lawyer and say "ok, Dan is back home, and we'd like to file the petition now!" (You may recall before that I have said I can't be in the US while we go through this process.)

In the meantime, we've just been spending our summer preparing for our big day on the 23rd August.
We don't plan to have anything really big, but it'll be special and nice in its own way.
I haven't "officially" run all my plans by the rest of the family yet (!), so I can't reveal anything here, but we hope to talk to them, and our officiant for the day, within the next couple of days. Once we've spoke to them, then I can can let you all know what our big day is shaping up like; what we're doing, how we're doing it, etc.

A week ago today we went to get our marriage license at the Frederick County Courthouse over in Maryland.
It was a very simple process. We walked in, went to the clerk's desk, and told them our intention to get married. She asked a few questions (name, age, place of residence), and we had to take a very short oath swearing that we had no reason that we could not legally be wed (I.E. in an existing marriage still).
Then, we paid the fee (I think it was $75), she printed the certificate, and voila! We are now all set on that front!
On the big day, once married, our officiant will sign the certificate and file it with the court, and within 5 business days we should have our official marriage certificate!

Last weekend we went to BrickFair in Chantilly, VA. We've been before, a few years back. Always fun to see everyones crazy LEGO creations, and take a trip down memory lane looking at old sets.
Also last weekend my Canadian 'family' were down for a few days, too, and we hung out with them, which was really nice.

Tomorrow (Saturday) we are going to see the latest Disney Live! show. In all the madness of late I can't remember exactly which one it is, but I have a strong feeling it's a Disney Jr one, and has Sofia the First and Doc McStuffins in it.

Not sure if I mentioned it before, but the weekend we get married we are also going to New York City to stay with some friends. It wasn't intentionally planned as a "honeymoon" as we had made arrangements before we knew our wedding date, but I guess now it will be of sorts!

The week after that we'll be heading out to California for 5 days to visit Disneyland, and all our friends there, including one of our best and most trusted friends, Loren (I know he reads this, so I thought I'd give a shout out!).

After the DL trip I'll be heading home, then we can finally file all this paperwork that we have laying around! Then this process can really begin!

Anyway, I think that's all for now. I'll try to post more this weekend.

Dan.

We're Getting the Marriage Licence Today!

Hello everyone,

The title of this entry is fairly self-explanatory, I think!
We're driving up to the Frederick County Courthouse this afternoon to get our marriage license, so that we can actually get married on the 23rd!

Dan.

A Special Announcement

Hello everyone,

Today I can officially make an announcement that I have been wanting to make for a couple of weeks now!

I sent out the following email to our friends and family, and think it just as appropriate to copy that message here, as I think it explains what I have to say quite well.

*

Dear friends,

It is with great pleasure that I inform you that Jon and I will be getting married in Frederick, Maryland, USA on Friday 23rd August this year, at a small private family ceremony.

Once we are married, we are going to (finally!) begin immigration proceedings so that I can move to the US permanently, so we can be together.
We anticipate that this will take anywhere up to a year. We intend to move to near Jon's family in Frederick, Maryland.

This first ceremony is going to be a basic one, because we need to get the ball rolling for immigration, but also because when we have more time and money we would actually like to have a Disney Fairytale Wedding at the Disneyland Resort in California.
We really want to have the time and resources to plan this properly, and unfortunately we can't do that right now.
Of course we'd already be married, but would instead have a commitment ceremony, which would reflect our ongoing pursuit of happiness and being together.
At that point, our extended family and friends would be welcome to join us in celebrating our marriage properly.

We appreciate all of your friendships, kindness and ongoing support.

If anyone would like to send gifts, we have actually chosen a small selection of charities which we feel support worthwhile causes, which you can donate to on our behalf. We have everything we could possibly need already, so your support of an organisation that funds a worthwhile cause means more to us.
The charities we have chosen are included at the end of this email.

Thank you all,

Best wishes, and kind regards,

Dan and Jon.


Our chosen charities:

For our UK/EU friends and family, you might want to consider these...

The British Hedgehog Preservation Society http://www.britishhedgehogs.org.uk/index.php (click the donate online button)
The Fox Project http://www.foxproject.org.uk/ (the right-hand panel has donation information)
Adopt an animal on our behalf from The British Wildlife Centre http://www.britishwildlifecentre.co.uk/planyourvisit/animaladoption.html (click for details of how to adopt)
Stonewall UK https://www.stonewall.org.uk/what_you_can_do/donate_to_stonewall/default.asp (lots of options for donating)

For our friends in the United States and Canada, you can donate to these...

The DOMA Project http://www.domaproject.org/donate
Animal Welfare Institute http://awionline.org/ (donate is on blue, on the left side)
Siamese Cat Rescue Center http://va.siameserescue.org/ (how to donate on the left)
The Trevor Project http://www.thetrevorproject.org/ (donate in the top right corner)
GLAAD http://www.glaad.org/ (donate in the top right corner)

Equal Marriage becomes law in England and Wales

Hello everyone,

Today, the final formality in the process of making the Marriage (Same Sex Couples) Bill law happened.
The final stage, known as Royal Assent, was announced by the Speaker in the House of Commons this afternoon.

The new law is quite complicated, and there are lots of amendments and clauses that went into it, before it was finally passed.
Later this week I hope to pick it apart more thoroughly and make a post on here about what it covers, and what it doesn't.

There is one point I want to make clear. The Queen is for the most part a figurehead, and plays no part in politics and the government's policies. The Queen nearly always keeps her opinions to herself, and would never compromise herself or her government by making any potential controversial statements (she leaves that to her husband... *wink wink* for any Brits reading this!).
My point is that she did not give her "approval" or have any part in the debate, despite what the US mass media are claiming. They are simply sensationalist headlines.
If she refused to sign anything into law (and I'm not even sure that technically she even does that these days) I am almost certain that the Conservatives would waste no time in holding a referendum and getting rid of the monarchy altogether!

A move in the right direction for sure, but remember, even though this was debated in the Parliament of the United Kingdom, this bill only covers England and Wales. Scotland are likely to pass their own law, and Northern Ireland, well, who knows...

Dan.

Confirmation of applications being accepted

Hello everyone,

Some good news today, as US Department of Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano confirmed that with immediate effect the US immigration services were accepting same sex bi-national applications.
Although we knew this had already started, it's good to have official confirmation from the government!
It's also been confirmed (it had been suspected that this would be the case), that couples residing in States that do not recognise same sex marriages will still be able to file, providing they married in a place where the union was legal.

Attached below are two images confirming this news, courtesy of The DOMA Project.

Dan.

18, and one more makes 19!

Hello everyone,

I was pondering how many of you out there might be in a similar situation as Jon and I, with being a bi-national same sex couple.
It made me wonder how many lives across the globe were affected by hurtful immigration policies.

To my knowledge (and I could be wrong), but before the historic decision in the US this week, only 18 countries allowed sponsorship for same sex couples. Now, with the death of DOMA in the newly liberated USA, there are 19 countries that allow it.
That really isn't a lot.

As far as I know the countries that allow sponsorship are:

Australia
Belgium
Brazil
Canada
Denmark
Czech Republic
Finland
France
Germany
Iceland
Israel
The Netherlands
New Zealand
Norway
South Africa
Spain
Sweden
The United Kingdom
and now the United States

If I've missed a country off of the list, please let me know.

Of course, if you've read my first entry on this blog, you'll know the UK just made it a lot more difficult, not just for same sex couples, but all bi-national couples as a whole.

If at least one of you isn't in one of those countries listed above, how do you cope?

Despite the new financial rules, at least Jon and I had some hope because I am from the UK.

Dan.

The Color Purple

Hello everyone,

This blog entry isn't about Alice Walker's acclaimed lesbian novel (as much as I love it!), it's just the title seemed apt somehow!

I was looking on the internet for websites that list gay friendly wedding venues.
I found Purple Unions, and although it looks a bit cheesy on the outset, actually has a wealth of information.

For example, Jon and I are looking to get married in Maryland.
So, I selected the USA-MD option from the locator, and selected Officiants as the venue search category (you can search everything from photographers, receptions venues and ministers to conduct the ceremony), and it brought up all the venues in Maryland that are listed as gay friendly.

If there's anyone out there who doesn't know where to start looking, then definitely check it out!

Dan.

Welcome to my journey - history in the making

Hello everyone,

Let me introduce myself.

My name is Dan. I currently live in the south east United Kingdom, in a small village.

I live with my family because my work and financial circumstances currently don't allow for me to live alone; but that's fine. That's life.

I work as a teaching assistant for an education agency, supporting children with behavioural, social and special educational needs.

I enjoy my work, and despite its challenges and relatively low pay, find it quite rewarding.

I love to travel, and I love to go to Disney theme parks around the world.

When I was 21 I decided I wanted to take a year out and live in another country. So, I looked around at the options, and decided to go to Canada. I had always loved North America as a whole, and wanted to explore more of it.

I left for Canada on the 14th November 2007. I had a visa that was valid for one year.

In order to get that visa I literally applied for a scheme run by BUNAC on the internet, and filed the relevant paperwork (which by all accounts wasn't a lot), and voila, I had my visa in no time.

In fact, the biggest challenge I had was when I first arrived in Toronto, the immigration lady was less than welcoming. But let's not worry about that now.

So, I lived with a family in Canada for the best part of a year. We had met through the wonders of Disney forums on the internet!

They became my "adoptive Canadian family", and I still see them to this day.

I had been in Canada for 6 months when something happened that changed my life forever.

Since mid-2006 I had been a paid member of the internet photo sharing website, Flickr.

On Flickr there are millions of users (literally), and probably millions of groups. In these groups, of which there are innumerable categories, you can post photos, and chat with other members.

This is how I met Jon.

It was April 2008. Jon had recently joined Flickr too. I saw some of his photos in the various Disney groups, and I had looked through them - as you do - and favourited and commented on some etc.

Me being me, I decided to send him a private message to properly introduce myself, just to say hi.

He replied. I replied back, and from there we very rapidly built this online friendship. We started chatting on MSN and email. And then we started calling each other on the phone.

It wasn't long before we had really hit it off, and were keen to meet in person.

I was only working part time in a fast food restaurant in the middle-of-nowhere Ontario (sorry Marilynn, but it is true!), and didn't have a lot of money.

Jon being his wacky, but always generous self offered to drive up and get me, and drive me back to Virginia, where he lived, for a vacation!

So we set a date. On the 31st May 2008 Jon took the 12 hour long drive from Dulles, VA to Uxbridge, ON to collect me!

He arrived in the early evening. We watched some movies, got a take-away (take-out!), and prepared ourselves for the long ride back the next day.

On the way up he had deliberately avoided driving via the Falls (Niagara that is), because I wanted him to experience them for the first time with me on our way back down (I had been numerous times already since being in Canada).

So, we drove back to Virginia via some sightseeing and lunch Niagara Falls, and arrived at his apartment in Dulles at about 1am on the 2nd June.

It was a long day, I can assure you!

For those of you that know me well - and those of you who don't, trust me you will get to know me! - you'll know that Jon and I love Disney Characters, and other famous cartoon characters too. So for my close friends reading this, I bet you didn't know that Jon and I met our first 'character' together at the Rainforest Cafe in Niagara Falls? It was their frog mascot, Cha-Cha. Cool huh?

I stayed with Jon for a vacation, and we went to Walt Disney World together for the first time (we had of course both been before, but this was our first time together), and he also showed me the sights around DC. Oddly enough, on my very first trip ever to DC, quite by chance I got to go to the White House! They were doing special tours of the gardens that day. One of only 3 days per year they offer them!

My adventure came to an end, and I flew back to Canada (I couldn't make him drive all that way again!).

We arranged that he come and stay for a few days the following month, which he did. We explored Toronto and began to make future plans...

On the last day of July 2008, I left Canada behind and flew to VA once again, to spend the summer with Jon.

I left in the October with a heavy heart, after some amazing summer adventures.

I won't go into all the details now, because I have talked enough already! But, suffice to say, it was the best summer I had ever had.

Fast forward, and Jon and I have now been together for more than 5 years, and have for a long time had plans to settle together.

That, of course, was never going to be plain sailing.

The United Kingdom in 2005 legalised Civil Partnerships, and for the sake of argument, they are like marriage, but without the name - and you can't have a religious ceremony. Nonetheless, immigration to the UK was possible. I could sponsor Jon.

Last summer (2012) the UK Conservative Government made the undemocratic move of changing their immigration policy, to my understanding without putting it through any sort of vote or debate.

The amount of money a sponsor would now need for a non-EU spouse was now over 18,000 pounds (sorry, my MacBook doesn't have a British pound sign!).

We were devastated. Yes, so we had left it four years already. We could have acted sooner I suppose. But now we were truly gutted by a system that should be there to protect us.

Bi-national couples of any orientation, race, whatever, are now being excluded from immigration because of this hurtful policy. Who says you need to have nearly 20 grand to survive in this country?!

Most people I know don't earn that much. I certainly never have, and I own my car outright, have an iPhone, pay my mum some housekeeping for my loft room and private bathroom, and still travel to see Jon.

It is completely ridiculous and unfair.

Anyway, around the same time, the United States Supreme Court had announced its cases for the coming term. Amazingly a Defence of Marriage Act (DOMA) challenge and a Prop 8 challenge were in there!

DOMA is the discriminatory law that prevents same sex couples from reaping the Federal benefits afforded to heterosexual couples, in the United States.

It was signed into law in September 1996 by President Bill Clinton, and has been fought against ever since. It blocks the most basic civil and equal rights to gay people, including sponsorship of partners for immigration.

On the 27th March this year (2013), the Supreme Court heard the oral argument for United States vs. Windsor.

Mrs. Edith Windsor had been with her life partner Thea Spyer for 40 years, when she sadly passed away in 2009, leaving her entire estate to Edith.

The couple had legally wed in 2007 in Toronto, Canada (where Jon and I first met!), and lived together in New York.

Edith was sent a tax bill for the inherited estate, for more than $363,000. If the Federal Government recognised their relationship, she would not have to pay this bill.

Yesterday, Wednesday 26th June 2013, the United States Supreme Court - on its last day this term before recess, and after months of anticipation - finally released its opinion on the case.

Section 3 of the Defence of Marriage Act was struck down in a 5-4 vote as unconstitutional.

A wave, no, a roar of cheers and relief went through, not just DC, or the US, but the world.

I was part of that 'roar'. I watched the result come in live on the SCOTUSblog, and I fell to the floor - literally - in tears of joy.

The language of the text, written by conservative Justice Kennedy was a scathing attack on the unfair and discriminatory nature of DOMA.

I can honestly say, I have never, ever, been over come with such an explosion of emotions and relief.

Before the decision on DOMA, for the last few months, Jon and I had been making contingency plans in the event DOMA was upheld (which based on the court's reputation, was a very real possibility).

Using my EU Citizen and migration rights, despite not having the money to move to the UK, another EU state cannot deny me and my partner entry. We had planned to either go to Ireland or France.

Neither were ideal of course, and neither place was our home country.

Now, with the demolition of Section 3, we can settle in Jon's home state of Maryland, which I have grown to know quite well over the last 5 years.

It's not going to be a quick and easy process. We have immigration to deal with, but, with DOMA down, there is only one way to go.

Forwards.

I hope you'll join me on my incredible journey.

Dan.