Last month Jon and I celebrated a full year of me being in the US. Here we are in November, 13 months after my arrival, and I thought I would share some thoughts with you all.
Having been here for just over a year now, I have a lot more of a deeper perspective on what it means to live here, and indeed survive here. I'm going to just go through a bunch of things that come into my mind, in no particular order, but things I feel are relevant to me.
Healthcare has been the number one point of contention for me so far. When I first arrived here Jon had pre-bought a temporary policy for me, since I would need continuous cover, and the open enrollment for the Maryland Health Exchange not open yet and I would only be able to get full coverage from January. Dealing with the exchange presented its own challenges. Not only were they difficult to get through to, but the policies aren't the best in the world either. I made several posts about that earlier in the year. A lot of people asked why I couldn't go in Jon's insurance, especially with marriage being law on a federal level now. Well, that still wasn't possible, because the SCOTUS decision only dealt with the federal government. Jon's company is based in Georgia, and the insurance they use is Georgia based, too. Georgia was not a full equality state. Of course, back in the summer this year, the SCOTUS heard the case, and subsequently made it legal, for equal marriage to go ahead in all 50 states. With that, it meant full benefits were now offered across the board, not just federally. Jon was finally able to add me to his insurance, but it took several months. Not only that, I had hassle cancelling my existing policy, and at one point my old and new ones were over lapping, when they shouldn't have been. On top of all that, I do have several medical issues, and with the way things work here, even with the best policy you can still pay through the nose for the care you receive - and you have to deal with insurance companies who never seem to get anything right. With all that said, healthcare here, when you can afford it, is exceptionally good. I genuinely feel like the doctors and specialists here have tried to help me, and I really appreciate that. Regular GP appointments here can easily take an hour, which is astounding, especially from my perspective when at home you would be in and out in under ten minutes. Overall, neither system is perfect - I wish the US had more of a balance between both.
This might sound like an odd thing, but my accent also causes me problems here. I refuse to change how I speak for anyone. It's not like I am speaking with a thick Russian accent or some weird dialect nobody has ever heard of. It is part of who I am. I think that I generally speak clearly and concisely (ok, if not a little quietly sometimes though), but nobody can understand what the heck I am talking about! It's gotten to the point of ridiculous, where now I refuse to speak on the phone because no one can ever get my name right, even when I spell it out!
Doors. Just don't even get me started on the doors! I don't know why this one thing still plagues me after 13 months here, but I'll never understand why a store can't just have doors that go both ways. The amount of times on weekly basis I find myself walking into an exit that won't open is astounding. Mind boggling.
Although I obviously have Jon, and we do have some friends, I have found the move across the ocean quite hard on my ability to meet people and integrate. I will fully admit that I have never been the most outgoing person. In fact when I was younger I was deathly shy, but I feel I have overcome that a lot, and as I have gotten older I have become a lot more open about my life and who I am. I am still a very private person, but I have definitely made progress. Leaving virtually everything and everyone I have ever known behind on another continent has been a huge blow to my confidence in the social area. While I don't want to sound like I have no life, or try to gain any sympathy, I do feel somewhat isolated here at times. Maryland isn't the most exciting place in the world, and the few friends we do have in this country aren't in Maryland - some aren't even on the same coast. So that is difficult for me. I have tried to think of ways to get myself out more, but I lack a lot of motivation and I don't really know where to begin, if I'm honest. I'll find something, I am going to work on that, but I have definitely found the friendship aspect hard so far.
I wanted to make this post more about me than my observations of the political situation here, but ultimately that affects me too, and I am a highly political person. Religion in this country is out of control. Or, at least, the right wing Christians are out of control. On an almost daily basis I see and hear things that makes me wonder what is wrong with the world we live in. Why are people getting themselves in fierce rages over coffee cups? Soup commercials? Magazine covers? People in this country need to take a step back, look at their own lives and realise that they don't have it bad at all. Nobody is forcing them to believe something else. No one is coming for their Bible or their guns. They need to chill out and just stop. It drives me crazy, and it worries me on a personal level because you just never know if your neighbor or someone around you will turn out to be some right wing religious crazy person who will start condemning you to hell.
Speaking of guns, that is the one other thing that bothers me a huge amount. Again, on an almost daily basis I hear stories of yet another shooting. A lot of them are accidental too, and for the simple reason that people are morons. Leaving your two year old alone with a loaded weapon on the dashboard of your car is a disgusting thing to do, no matter which way you look at it. It's nothing short of child abuse on so many levels, but for some reason, the right wing crazies seem to think that more guns and less gun control is the answer. How many more innocent people have to die under that policy?
Some other minor things. Mail here is ridiculously slow. Cable and phone bills are extortionate. People who say "could care less" drive me crazy because that is not what they are trying to say at all! The lack of public transport - and the surprising resistance towards it - is detrimental to the environment and to people's lives.
On a more positive side, I will fully admit that generally speaking (though, like anywhere, there can be exceptions), customer service here is excellent. I always feel welcomed into stores and restaurants, and that the people working there want to help. It's nice to be able to have a good rapport with the people in the supermarket that you visit often, or be able to banter with the guy at the comic book store. And like I said above, healthcare, when you can afford it, is exceptionally good (though insurance companies need to get their acts together!).
Finally, despite the fact we went through a grueling immigration process, which took over a year to complete, we are still not done with that. We were married less than three years upon my date of entry into the US (as I imagine many couples are when they go through this too, actually), and therefore I was made a conditional resident. In June next year we have to file a petition that can take up to 8 months, to remove the conditions of my residence. Yes, another 8 months of our lives stressing and worrying, and not being able to travel overseas again (at least I'm already in the US this time, as opposed to the situation when immigrating). At this point I am not sure exactly what will take them 8 months. There is nothing they could possibly need to know about me that they don't already know. It's just another infuriating event in our immigration story timeline that we have to deal with. Of course, by the time that is all said and done and I have full permanent residence, just a couple of months later I'll be allowed to file for citizenship! Perhaps in about 3 years' time we will finally be done with all of this, but for now we have to persevere.
We are now hurtling towards my second Christmas here, and I feel lucky and privileged to be able to share these thoughts with you all. Despite the stresses and worries of insurance and medical care, religious crazies and gun nuts, and further immigration proceedings, Jon and I are still here, still together, and always ready to stand up for who we are, no matter what.
One of my favourite quotes, and one which I had a friend read at our wedding, feels relevant today, for me at least. I'll leave you with it.
“If you hear the dogs, keep going. If you see the torches in the woods, keep going. If there's shouting after you, keep going. Don't ever stop. Keep going. If you want a taste of freedom, keep going.”
~ Harriet Tubman
Dan.
